


A Row With the Chip and PIN Machine (or How the Chip and PIN Machine Really Feels about John Watson)

by sherlockian4evr



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Animism, Crack, John shags the Chip and PIN Machine and doesn't know it, Other, Ridiculous, Short, Why?, this is so silly, why not?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 21:12:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4278099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian4evr/pseuds/sherlockian4evr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Chip and PIN machine is bored but thankfully its favorite customer is about to step up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Row With the Chip and PIN Machine (or How the Chip and PIN Machine Really Feels about John Watson)

Tesco’s was boring. Exceedingly so. Deducing (that’s a word learned from the tall man that came in occasionally with its favorite blond) customers had grown quite boring. If only _he_ would come in. It could dream, right?

It was odd, really, the sensations that the blond always caused to course through its circuits. They were delightful. No one else could make the chip and PIN machine feel quite the same. Ironically, its favourite customer always interpreted its responses in completely the wrong way.

 **Oh!** There he was.

The chip and PIN machine bleeped in excitement as the man stepped up. Something about the way the man slid the milk across its scanning surface was very arousing. There the milk went. **Yes. Just like _that_.** A shiver of static shot across its screen. **Do it again.** The blond cursed softly, the milk hadn’t registered. He slid it across the scanner again. **Bleep. Oh. Oh. Oh. _Yes._** The milk was placed into a bag off to the side.

The eggs were next, and wasn’t that just the thing? **Bleep.** Biscuits. **Bleep.** Lube. **Bleep. Bleep. Bleep.** Its circuits were crackling. The blond was swearing and looked around – he had to call someone over to remove the excess bottles of lube from the bill. He was _so_ cute when he blushed.

The blond always bought at least one strange item and today was no exception. Lye slid across its scanning surface. **Bleep.** It couldn’t resist. That had felt _so_ good. The blond had to scan the lye three more times before it appeared even once on the screen. **Bleep.**

This was ending too soon. The blond didn’t have any more items to check. It bleeped in frustration. **So close. So close. Please. Ahhhh. Right there.** The blond had scanned his card and was entering his secret code. 1. **Bleep.** 9\. **Bleep.** 8\. **Bleep.** 5\. **Long bleep.** It tipped over into ecstasy, its circuits overloading momentarily. **Transaction declined.**

The blond swore once again and walked away, leaving his attempted purchase behind.

The man _never_ understood. The chip and PIN machine didn’t hate the man, it loved him in every way.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to podfic or translate this or create a drawing based on it, go for it. Just please let me know and link back to my fic.


End file.
